Just for You, Martha!
Andrea Marting-Tabora
“Good morning, Martha!”
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A soft and sweet chime jolted Martha awake. She opened her eyes to a screen with rounded edges and ethereal orbs of light. The words that her Everyday Assistant, Danny, spoke were displayed in white on the screen. The chime played again and Martha blinked to ward off the heaviness settled into her eyelids.
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“It’s time to get up!”
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“Okay, okay...” she mumbled in response and pushed the thick sheets away. She slowly sat up on her bed and slipped her cold feet into her warm white slippers. “Give me the Morning Recap, please.”
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“Sure thing! Your Merge Supermarket energy has replenished. You have a text from ‘Dad.’ Chef Mama uploaded a new video, titled, ‘THE BEST PANCAKE RECIPE IN THE WORLD! MY HUSBAND CAME BACK AND MY KIDS CRIED!!!’ Three new posts from BookFace. That’s all.”
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Martha drew apart the beige curtains and let the bright sun crawl onto the gray carpet as Danny read aloud her notifications for her. She wondered what her dad had texted her. Keileigh liked Chef Mama’s recipes. A new pancake recipe sounded nice. She decided to try it today. She went over to her closet and opened it. She brushed her veiny hands over her assortment of coats and old t-shirts. They blended into nothingness. Martha forgot what she wore yesterday. “What should I wear today?”
“It’s a beautiful day outside. I’d recommend a sweatshirt and jeans. It’s comfy and not too cold for the wind chill.”
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“Okay,” Martha shifted through her clothes. She pulled off a navy-blue pair of jeans from a clothes hanger. She opened her drawers and took out the gray sweatshirt Gavin had gotten for her birthday. She changed out of her white pajamas, took her phone off the charger, and went downstairs.
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The lights came on as she entered the kitchen. Danny had already turned on the stove. “Danny, what’s Chef Mama’s pancake recipe? The one from today’s video,” said Martha.
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“Chef Mama is a great cook! Her recipe calls for, one cup flour, one teaspoon salt, one teaspoon baking soda, one-”
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Martha bit her lip as she listened to Danny’s voice. It was too slow. Too monotonous. She had several things to do today. She wasn’t going to remember the whole thing anyway. “Stop. Just walk me through it.”
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“That’s fine! Let’s start with the first step: ‘Preheat and lightly grease a large skillet or electric griddle.’ Let me get that started for you!”
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The oven beeped. Danny began the preheating. Martha followed his instructions. She was grateful that Danny had updated her shopping list every day. She had everything she needed already. No need for emergencies. No need to panic. Martha was stirring the batter when Danny noticed the time.
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“Keileigh is usually up at this hour. Should I wake her?”
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“Yeah, sure,” Martha replied. She was grateful that Danny remembered these things for her. Keileigh had a math quiz today. Missing class would be inconvenient. Keileigh came downstairs while Martha made the pancakes. She looked back at her daughter. Her chestnut hair was all messy. The ponies on her pink pajamas smiled brightly at the world. She held her tablet in her arms as she walked over to the dining table.
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“Good morning, princess,” Martha said, and turned back to her pancakes. Keileigh said nothing. Martha assumed she was distracted.
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“What did Dad text me?” Martha asked Danny.
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“Dad sent you a new cat video! Your favorite!”
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“Yeah,” Martha said. She poked the pancakes with her spoon. They looked brown enough. She took a plate out of the cupboard and plopped the pancakes onto it. She took Keileigh’s favorite cup, the one with the balloons, and took the orange juice carton from the fridge. She poured some into the cup. She brought the plate and cup to Keileigh and set it down next to her tablet. It was a cat cartoon she watched every morning. It was her favorite.
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“I made you some pancakes,” Martha said with a smile. Keileigh glanced at the pancakes. She glanced back at her tablet.
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“I’m not hungry,” Keileigh said.
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This was unusual. Keileigh was always hungry, and she loved pancakes. It was Chef Mama’s recipe. It was meant to be delicious. “Why not?”
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Keileigh looked up at her mother with wide eyes. They were the kind of eyes Martha recognized. It was the kind of eyes Keileigh would give Gavin when he pestered her about doing her homework. It was the kind of eyes that told Martha she should know why she wasn’t hungry. Whatever Keileigh wanted from those eyes, she didn’t get. She looked back at the pancakes. She looked back at the tablet.
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“I’m just not hungry,” Keileigh pushed the plate away. It sounded like it scarred the gray countertop. She rolled off the chair and escaped to the couch with her tablet.
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“Keileigh, I made these for you. You have to eat something.”
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“Leave me alone!” She complained loudly from the couch. Her eyes never left her screen.
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Martha stared at her young daughter. She didn’t understand it. Her eyebrows furrowed and a deep feeling swirled in her chest. Emotions stacked on top of one another; all collapsed under the weight and melted into each other. She blinked back what it was she tried to name. She was bewildered. She was angry. She was disappointed. She was confused. She bit her lip. Keileigh was always hungry, and she loved pancakes. Why not now? She walked back to the kitchen and reached out for her phone, her savior, her hope. She pulled up Danny’s app and typed in her prompt.
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Why is my daughter upset?
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“Young children can be upset for a variety of reasons.
• Frustration
Young children will get upset or frustrated when they do not get what they want, or do not want to do things they are not willing to do. Anger issues may also be associated with mental conditions, like autism, or PTSD.
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• Stress
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Children are not yet accustomed to complex emotions, like stress, or anxiety, so they will react with anger as a coping mechanism. They may also be overwhelmed with schoolwork or other factors.
• Social issues
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Children may be upset for long periods of time after the aftermath of a social argument, like with a classmate at school, or with a parent. The local news may also upset children if they are exposed to certain horrific sounds or images.
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• Hormones
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Children experience hormones for the first time, and this may cause them to act irregularly. Hormones affect many things, like emotions and physical development.”
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Martha listened to Danny read his answers. She was embarrassed to ask this out loud in front of Keileigh and Danny speaking it wasn’t helping either. She glanced at Keileigh, who watched her cat cartoons with glowing eyes. She wasn’t paying attention. Martha turned her attention back to the answers.
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Keileigh could not have been frustrated. She was given pancakes, and orange juice, her favorite food, with a tasty drink in her favorite cup. There was no discernible reason as to why she would not feel like having those things today. Martha could send Keileigh to the doctor for a check-up. A doctor could tell her if her daughter had something. “Danny, remind me to schedule an appointment to the doctor later today.”
“Of course! Your reminder has been added to your calendar.”
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Keileigh could have been stressed. She did have a math quiz today. Math was hard. Children did not like math, especially Keileigh. Most teachers are nice and would allow her a retake if it didn’t go well.
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Keileigh could have had an argument with a friend at school that she did not want to talk about. Martha thought it was strange that she never spoke of it. Keileigh always gave her the school gossip on the drive home. She could not have had an argument with Gavin either, as he had been gone on the business trip all week. Keileigh doesn’t watch the news either.
Keileigh was too young for hormones.
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These answers and could-haves and what-ifs swirled and circled around Martha endlessly and painfully. She leaned against the kitchen counter, staring directly at the still warm pancakes on the plate. The colorful balloons, fading with time already, floating so peacefully and ethereally on that plastic cup. Martha had her legs crossed, her arms close to her stomach. She bit her lip, feeling the squishiness of flesh between the joining of teeth. She put her fingernails in those gates to rip them off. She felt her hot breath on her skin as she did so. Martha didn’t know what to do, or what to say. She stood there, existing without meaning with the clock. What day is it today?
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“Martha, it’s almost 8.”
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Keileigh needed to go to school. Martha brushed a hand through her hair, already forgetting what color it was. She took the orange juice, sipped some so that it would not all go to waste, and drained it in the kitchen sink. She pulled a plastic Ziplock baggie out of the pantry. “Keileigh, get dressed. Time to go,” Martha announced.
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Keileigh turned off her tablet screen and walked up the stairs, each step as miserable and grumpy as the last. Martha picked up and plopped the pancakes into the bag, each one adding weight and disappointment with every pathetic drop. She headed on over to the closet and slipped on some real shoes. “Danny, start the car.”
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“Of course.”
Martha heard the car cough out the rumble of the engine. She briskly returned to the kitchen and grabbed her phone. She closed out of Danny’s app. She would rather not think of it now. Keileigh would feel better after some time with her friends at school. She always has. Martha reached for her purse on the coffee table by the couch and stuck her phone in it. She stuffed the pancakes into Keileigh’s pink backpack that sat right next to it. If she wouldn’t eat them for breakfast, she at least had them for lunch. Keileigh returned from upstairs, dressed with her tablet in hand. Martha ran a hand through her hair, which she did not brush it as she was supposed to. Keileigh did not look up from her tablet screen. Martha took the keys and opened the door. “C’mon, let’s go.”
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The two entered the car and closed the doors behind them. “Danny, take us to school.”
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“Sure thing! Heading to ‘school.’ ETA 8:26.”
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Danny spun the wheels and manipulated the car in ways any human with hands could. Martha did not have to do anything. She just had to sit and wait as Danny drove them past green lawns and still, beige homes. The ride was quiet. Martha said nothing to Keileigh and Keileigh said nothing to Martha. She felt that she forgot something. She pulled out her phone and opened her calendar. Danny updated it constantly with events and special occasions. There was nothing going on this week, besides the reminder for the doctor’s appointment. It must’ve just been a passing feeling, or a cruel trick of anxiety.
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Danny got them to the elementary school just on time. They joined the line of black and grey cars that spit out children and closed doors. The cars left as soon as their cargo was gone, and off they went into streets and homes, never to be seen again. Danny inched the car to the school’s entrance. Martha looked back at Keileigh.
Keileigh stared back at her. Her face was pink. Her mouth was curled up and several dimples and dents of strain and quivering were etched onto her chin. Her eyes glistened with hot tears, obscuring and wavering her wide eyes. She stared back at her.
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“What’s wrong?”
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“Aren’t you going to say anything?”
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“Say what, honey?”
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“It was my birthday yesterday.”
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Martha’s face grew cold and hot all at the same time.
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“Why didn’t you say anything?”
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“Because I want you to say something! You always forget it and you did it again.”
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Keileigh’s tiny throat gasped for air. Tears flowed against Martha’s wishes. Keileigh took her tablet and backpack and hopped out of the car. She ran into the building and melted into that distant, chatting crowd.
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Martha stared at the back car seat for a little while longer. Nothing stared back at her. Her thoughts were quiet. Her open mouth and her searching eyes were the loudest parts of her.
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You always forget it.
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Martha looked away. She looked for something to stare at, something to think, something to feel that she could understand.
You always forget it.
Martha saw Keileigh running away again. She saw her eyes again. She wanted to disappear. She wanted her to stay in school.
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“Should we go back home?” Danny spoke, as kind and friendly as ever.
“Yeah.”
Danny spun the wheel and took her out of the line.
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Martha checked her calendar again, hoping by some miracle, that Keileigh’s birthday would pop up.
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“Danny, when’s Keileigh’s birthday?”
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“April 3rd.”
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“Why isn’t it on the calendar? Why didn’t you put it on there?” Martha got upset. She was never upset at Danny.
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“I only perform tasks that you ask me to do.”
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“But you remembered.”
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Danny said nothing.
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Martha sat in silence. She watched the road fly by. It was a quiet ride.
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You always forget it.
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Martha was tired of staring. She pulled out her phone and played the cat video.
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